So happy but so terrified!

Before I got pregnant I didn't know what worry was ...

I was a successful manager earning great money. I was the creator of amazing projects. I had respect from the people I managed and from the community I served. Everybody praised my work. I felt loved, I felt good. But I dreamed of being a mother. It was everything to me to have a child. It was something I 'had' to do. 

When at last I found out I was pregnant I was over the moon! Things hadn't been straight forward for us but it was everything I ever dreamed of.

So much so that it felt too good to be true.

This is when it all started for me. Worry hit hard!

I was constantly terrified of things going wrong. Every mile stone brought brief relief but before long I was back to experiencing daily agonising worry.

When the big day came and I finally held my 1st beautiful baby boy, all my dreams came true, I felt so lucky!  From the moment we met I felt I'd known him my whole life, I was in love. The biggest version of love I'd ever known. A scary kind of love. Love so big that it hurt. 

This made me a great mother but also a great worrier. I needed everything to be perfect for him- always. I needed to be with him -always. 

I would continuously be checking my baby, day and night. Making sure everything was perfect and that he was okay. I would strap him into his car seat and then drive up the road and pull over and check him again and again.These kinds of obsessional thoughts started happening more and taking up more time each day.

I was continuously comparing myself to other mothers who I felt knew what they were doing. I  always felt that other mothers were doing a better job than me. If my baby wasn't sleeping I felt it was because I was doing everything wrong and that I was failing.

My head was always spinning with things that 'might happen' to me and my family. My day was taken up by feeling terrified of things that could possibly go wrong. I could create a full feature length movie with the catastrophic stories that would 'pop' into my head.  

This was happening daily, not because I wasn't happy but because I was so happy I was terrified!

Maternity leave ended and I started back at work. At first, it felt great. But soon those familiar feelings returned. I had these conflicting thoughts and worries racing around my head constantly. 

I was doubting myself as a mother every day. Asking myself:

 Do I have the right balance or home and work time?

Will my son  get enough attention from me? 

How will I make it worthwhile?

Am I a good enough mother?

I was doubting myself professionally every day. Constantly debating:

Am I good enough ?

Am I doing a good job? 

Will people believe in me?

What do other mothers think of me? 

I was rushing around always stressed and always tired. Trying to solve parenting battles and work challenges all at the same time.

I was ignoring so many warning signs from my body that I needed to stop and make changes. I was getting constant colds and a strange skin rash on my hands. I had neck pain and I would wake several times a night , even when the baby slept through.

The final straw came when I started getting chest pains at work when I was in meetings. 

I visited my doctor and told him that I was worried I was asthmatic. He was blunt and asked me how life was at the moment. He then went on to explain how anxiety causes chest pain and other symptoms that I was experiencing.I was totally shocked!

I had no idea that it was possible for the thoughts in my head to have an impact on my body! Everything made sense and soon I was booked in with a Hypnotherapist for some much-needed help.

It changed EVERYTHING!

I discovered a new way of thinking.......

I learned about the power of the mind and I realized that all of those thoughts were not only draining and pointless and not serving me but also having a profound impact on my body.

I learned how to take control of self-doubt, anxiety and most importantly I learned that I could choose my thoughts.

 I started sleeping better and waking up feeling ready to take on the day.

I learned to motivate myself. To plan and to structure my life without settling my standards too high.

I felt I finally understood what was going on in my head and how to control it.

I could think clearly again and I got my confidence back

I love my family and I love my work. I have a time for all of it. I even have time for myself.

That's what I want to do for other women. 

If this sound like you, don't waste another day stuck with these negative thoughts and feelings. Start now by emailing me, let's talk about you........

worryfree.org@gmail.com

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